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by LeFrenchMartini
Summary: Go Get a Happy Meal Toy & Sit Back And Read up On how to Annoy Our Faithful Characters From Darren Shan. Dont Hold Me On This, But I had This In My head For Awhile Now.


HOW TO ANNOY DARREN SHAN;

1. Repeated poke fun at how he doesnt have fangs and isnt scary like the other vampires in the movies...

2. When Darren goes hunting and brings back a dead naked mole rat, point and laugh saying, "hey Look Darren-it looks like you when you shaved your head bald!"

3. After anything he does, congratulate him by dubbing him, 'Master of Debator'. Give him a cookie if necessary.

4. _If_ he ever does something wrong, say, "_Noooo problem_, but Ill still rip out youre guts and bust a cap in yo face..."

5. If he asks you a question, stare bug eyed and just respond, "Jakaloopy." Example: Did You enjoy dinner last night? "Jakaloopy."

6. Bake cookies apologetically for interrupting him everytime he speaks, bake in beads. When he eats about a dozen of them, tell him and then state, "Guess youll be making a necklace later..."

7. Empty his fridge, then when he asks where all the food went state, "This fridge had performed an illegal operation and needs to be shut down."

8. When he asks, "Why did you do it?" Say, "I found 'Kitchen applications for dummies' in your room.."

9. Innocently say, "Uplug it and all your food will come back!" Point to computer and say, "It worked when I did it to the computer..." Look confused. this may help.

10. When he gets mad, and I garuantee that he will get mad, sob and spit out a pretend story of, "HEY! I have a nine year old kid, on my wedding day, the guest came and then they left. We were going to get married the day after but thats when Law and Order is on!" This can apply wether youre a girl or a boy...

11. If that doesnt work, hide under the table. When he asks, "What are you doing?" Scream, "IF I CANT SEE YOU! YOU CANT SEE ME!" Then scurry away.

12. Each time Darren talks, repeat, "I see youre lips moving, but all I hear is 'Woody Woody Woodchuck, Woodchuck..."

13. Anger the wolfman unecessarily by spraying it with a hose. Then insist that Mr Crepsley had asked Darren to comb out his fur. This will surely annoy him.

14. Treat him to McDonalds forget the Happy Meal Toy.

15. Offer to go grocery shopping. Come back with the brown paper bags, accidently drop a pregnancy test box. Say, "Its for Debbie."

16. At the shocked expression on Darrens face state, "Dont worry, it cant _possibly_ be yours!"

17. Print out a picture of Darren. Pull out a lighter and a cigarette. When he says, "I didnt know you smoked..." Say, "I dont." Then hold the lighter up to the picture and let it burn. Throw cigarette into fire randomly. Yell randomly, "AND STOP LEAVING YOUR CIGARETTE BUDS ON THE FLOOR! THE COCKROACHES ARE GETTING CANCER!"

18. For added effect, run in when theyre randomly sitting on the coach and pour a gas container filled with water on them. Threatingly hold out lighter.

19. When you need to explain something to him add 'Hick' to every sentence. Example: "Of course ill do the dishes...Hick. No nothing is wrong with me, why do you ask?"

20. Wheter or not you were talking about Darren or not, as he walks into the room start off with, "Yeah I know, sometimes I feel like just putting a pillow ontop and just stabbing it to make sure."

21. Say, "Oh hey Darren! We were just talking about you. No it wasnt something bad, why do you ask?"

22. Anytime he does something wrong tisk and say, "The term 'Nobodys Perfect' doesnt necessarily apply to you..."

23. Announce Darren as he enters the room, "Darren Shan, 0 Ounces of Fat Per Serving."

24. Stare at Darren with wide eyes, make a loud schrieching noise. Tell Evra its a stupdity meter and Darren is winning.

25. Stare at Evra with wide eyes, make a loud schrieching noise. Tell Darren its a stupidty meter and Evra is winning.

26. Both boys laughs but neither one of them knows waht the other is laughing at...

* * *

**This isnt my best humour, but its like a little idea I had put together. I already started one with Eragon, but if you dont like this, tell me, Ill try to make it funny next chapter. Well R & R! Thanks :)**

& Shayy ;


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